Thursday, May 3, 2018

Sister Doulas

Guys! It is INTERNATIONAL DOULA MONTH! So just to let you know what I have been up to... It has been a long time coming, but I am excited to say that I am well on my way to being a DONA certified doula!

For anyone wondering if I just pulled this career change out of thin air... No. No I did not.

For almost my entire life, I had the goal of becoming a therapist. The majority of my friends switched their college majors or were undeclared for the first couple years. Not me. I was so happy that I didn't have to deal with that stress. I knew EXACTLY what I wanted to do with my life.

I also still had room for elective classes. No clue how, but I did. And with those free spots in my schedule, I signed up almost exclusively for anthropology and women's studies classes. In fact, I only needed one more class in each subject to major in them as well. I took History of Rock senior year instead, but... no regrets. That class was fun as hell.

Anyway, what shocked me was how many of my classes in all three majors/minors overlapped with each other. In particular, my Anthropology of Childbirth, Motherhood and Cultures, and Ancient Art (believe it or not) classes had a huge impact on me. It was here that I first learned about the process of childbirth and breastfeeding (I mean I KNEW about childbirth, but the EVOLUTION of it) and the role of midwives and doulas.

A doula is a person who provides emotional and physical support to women and their support system during pregnancy, childbirth, and postpartum. Doula is an ancient profession. I will make it sound epic for you: Since the DAWN OF HUMANITY, women have been surrounded by other women, period. Not just during childbirth, but during life in general. It takes a village, right? But as time has gone on, our society evolved. Now, even if a woman has a very supportive partner, new moms often feel unsupported in general. It can be a scary thing to be pregnant, have a baby, and deal with nursing struggles when we are no longer surrounded by women teaching us about it and helping us throughout our lives. Many women don't even get paid maternity leave, or ANY maternity leave. And that supportive partner? Not a great chance that they will have paid leave to stay home and help.

So I was really afraid when I found out I was pregnant. I had no clue what to expect, because a lot of people don't talk about the weird/bad/TMI things, or what to really expect from labor. And Eric had no clue how to help me.

My mind was literally blown when I learned about doulas. It just seemed like common sense to have a fellow woman there helping you through the birth process. I was drawn to it, but I clearly did not pursue doula certification after college. I pursued my counseling degree, like I always planned. I loved what I did, so much. There was just something about it that wasn't right. I was never completely happy. I always felt like I was not maximizing my knowledge and ability to make a real difference.

I needed to take a step back and reevaluate my life, because being anxious 24/7 and not taking care of myself was not working for myself OR Eric. I started nannying for the best family. And I fell in love with my little buddies and made great, supportive friends for life, and immediately knew I wanted to pursue being a doula, like I should have done after college.

Technically, anyone could be a doula, but I personally feel like it is important to receive any education and certification out there. I don't know many people who will hire an uncertified person these days. DONA International is a very well-known and respected program. Plus, getting certified helps you network and build your own support system.  Self-care is so important in any helping profession.

I started the requirements and my search for doulas in the area who could give me advice.

ANNNND then I got pregnant with Mr. Rebel Bean.

I told Eric immediately that I wanted to have a doula to help us. He honestly thought I was out of my mind, obsessive over this new career path, and a hippie-dippie weirdo (maybe I am, but whatever). But then he met the doulas I chose, who are NOT weirdos 😂, who helped us have an amazing, anxiety-free childbirth experience, and helped us through a million struggles during our new parenthood, and he realized that having a doula was literally the best choice we have ever made. Especially when Jeni told him to go refill her tea as he started to panic in the delivery room. 😂 For real though, it was so helpful in the moment that our doula recognized his emotions, he was able to step out and regain composure, and I was still able to have support. And then, she helped HIM help ME. AND THEN, get this: He told us he was never going to complain to me EVER AGAIN when he feels sick or in pain! She is my witness to that moment!!! 😂😂😂

So here I am! Now that Atlas is done nursing, and I am feeling like I have a bit more freedom, I was finally able to register for the DONA lactation and childbirth workshop, taking one of my last major steps toward certification. I spent three long, tiring, amazingly interesting and fun days with a group of women who immediately bonded. We came from all sorts of backgrounds, but we all wanted the same thing: To help other women feel supported and empowered to make their own decisions on their journey through motherhood. We learned about anatomy, myths vs. facts, LOTS of positions and comfort measures (I now have a Mary Poppins bag with a rebozo, peanut ball, birth ball, shoulder pulley, massager, gardening pads, and pool noodle, if anyone needs any of these seemingly random things... nerd alert), business information, and medical issues. And we saw lots of babies being born in all different ways, so that was pretty much the best.

Please understand: This isn't about being "all-natural" or judging other people's decisions. There is a time and place for intervention. There are amazing doctors and nurses, mine included. I would repeat my hospital birth with my doctor in a second. What sucks is feeling like you got played, or got pushed in to something that shouldn't have happened, or not knowing who to turn to when you have questions about pregnancy/labor/new baby stuff. My hope is that I can help women trust their bodies and be excited for birth, whatever that may entail. This is about providing evidence-based information to help families figure out what works for THEM. It is about being there for people during the most intimate, powerful, and yes, sometimes scary, moments. And it is about helping connect women to resources, including other moms, who can help them get through life. I am forever grateful for the friends I have made because of my doula.

For the first time, I feel like I am where I am supposed to be. For 10 years, I have thought about what it would be like if I had gone down a different path. Now, I am here. Yay!

Our group <3 Wish I lived closer to them. I was the only one from South Florida!

Oh, probably the best part of the weekend, if I'm being honest... Sizzlis and coffee from Wawa a block away, alllll dayyyyy

What was Atlas up to with Daddy while I was gone? See for yourself:

Eric even took him to Toddler class. I heard reports that Eric did a great job ;)

Monday, March 12, 2018

DISNEY PART TWO: Disney with a Toddler

Hi, guys. I am still here reflecting on our Disney trip and feeling the post-Disney blues and wishing I lived in Cinderella's castle.

Not only was it my first race post-baby, but it was ATLAS'S FIRST TRIP TO DISNEY!!! I can not even describe how excited I was about this. I am a self-proclaimed Disney nerd. I have always loved Disney movies, but when I moved to Florida and went to Disney for the first time since high school Senior Trip (2006... holy shit), Disney basically took over my brain. We went to Magic Kingdom with Eric's aunt, uncle, and younger cousins at Christmas time, and when I smelled the delicious smell of Main Street USA, rode the rides, and watched the castle light up while eating a gingerbread ice cream sundae, I was completely sucked in to the magic.

Lucky for us, my good friend, Kelly, also started working there around the time that we moved to Florida, and so we have been to all of the Disney parks on numerous occasions with her. AKA we know some backstage tricks that make doing Disney almost stress-free. You would think that going to the Happiest Place on Earth IS stress-free, but man, unless you are prepared, you will be kind of overwhelmed by it all.

Because we knew what to do, a four-night stay with an 18-month-old was not only manageable, but  FUN. So, here are the things I learned from my friends, my own research, and my experiences over the past few years at Disney, with and without a toddler.

1. GO WITH THE FLOW. My number one tip is to make a Plan A and a Plan B. It is good to be prepared, but you never know what might throw a wrench in your plans, especially when traveling with kids. So, be prepared to change gears. And if Plan A and Plan B both fail... well, just go with it. Make the best of your vacation, because getting stressed and being upset is not worth it. It will be fun no matter what.

2. ASK FOR HELP. Disney "castmembers" are there to help you. They know literally everything, and can give you great advice if you need it. And be nice to them, please. They deal with a lot of shit and really just want everyone to have a good time.

3. YOU DON'T NEED TO STAY IN A DISNEY RESORT. If you have the money, definitely do it, because that is fucking awesome. But there are also some AMAZING, AFFORDABLE resorts just as close to the parks as some Disney resorts! We stayed at the Wyndham Bonnet Creek. They have tons of activities for kids if you decide you only want to do a half-day at the parks, and we rented a two-bedroom suite with a common room, kitchen, and laundry room for a very good price. This brings me to my next point:

4. HOTEL SLEEP TIPS. Only you know if your kid will sleep in a hotel room next to you. Mine will not, because he is a sensitive non-sleeping troublemaker. It was amazing to put him to bed and still be able to hang out, have some drinks, and sit on our balcony. If you can swing it price-wise (which is more doable when you stay off premises!) do it. If not, put your kid to bed in the bathroom, bring a noise machine, hang up a sheet to section off their sleep area, whatever. You are not a bad parent for sticking your kid in a bathroom, I promise.

5. PARK SLEEP TIPS. We decided to see if Atlas could nap in his stroller at the park. He has not done this in about 3498579348 months, but we also know that he can make it through a day with no nap and still sleep through the night, even if he wakes up a bit early the following morning. He DID fall asleep in his stroller for about 30 minutes each day. Disney is different than real life and tires kids out like no other. If worse comes to worse, take a break to go back to the hotel and nap your kid. Speaking of leaving the park mid-day...

6. DRIVE YOURSELF. Disney parking is about $20 for the entire day. You can leave and go back. If you are staying off Disney property, most area hotels have a shuttle to and from the park (might cost money, might only be a couple times a day). We found it less stressful to just drive ourselves. That way, we could leave at a moment's notice and not need to worry about waiting for a shuttle or dealing with a screaming, over-tired toddler on the bus. Luckily, we did not end up leaving mid-day, because Atlas did fine with basically no nap!

7. PARKING. Getting in to the parks is an ordeal, but takes much less time if you are prepared. When you park, usually you will take a little tram to the park entrance. Make sure you can hold your bags and fold your stroller easily to get in and out of the tram with no issues. When getting in to Magic Kingdom, you must take the tram to the entrance, then a monorail or ferry into the park. Pro tip: If the line for the monorail is extremely long, hop in the "resort monorail" line right next to it. It will stop at the Polynesian and Grand Floridian first, but if you are way at the back of a crazy line for the direct monorail, this will be quicker, not to mention less crowded. Boom. Win.

8. BABY CARE CENTERS!!!!! BABY CARE CENTERS!!!!! They are in every park, and they are the best. The Animal Kingdom one is phenomenal. There are changing tables, a sitting room with a TV playing movies, and a private nursing room as well. You can also purchase any baby care items you may need (diapers, wipes, etc.). Everyone in there was so nice. There were many nursing and bottle-feeding moms and dads helping each other out. They are also air conditioned, so it's perfect for a short break. We watched Moana for awhile and let Atlas sleep in there. :)

9. COMPANION BATHROOMS. They are big, and most have big changing tables, so moms and dads can go in together with a stroller to change diapers. It is also nice to have privacy and feel like you can take your time to change, use the restroom, and reapply sunscreen (NECESSARY).

10. BRING YOUR STROLLER. You can rent at Disney, but they are hard. Atlas would have never napped in that stroller. Bring a stroller with good storage, good shade, and put a name tag and luggage tag with contact information on it.

11. FOOD. We got a small cooler/lunchbox and packed snacks and things we KNEW Atlas would eat. Toddlers can be fussy eaters, am I right? It was good to be prepared in this sense, as well as save money. It kept cool water for all of us. In addition, you can fill up water for free at quickservice restaurants, so you don't need to use a water fountain or buy bottled water if you don't want to. My favorite quickservice stop is Gaston's Tavern in Magic Kingdom. It wasn't crowded, it was cool inside, the food and LeFou Brew were delicious, and I got to look at Gaston.

12. FASTPASSES. Make them as soon as possible (a month in advance). You can pick three. Make them for early in the day if you can. As soon as you use all three, you can add one more at a time throughout the day. You can use them for rides and meeting characters.


- Magic Kingdom favorites: Winnie the Pooh, It's a Small World, and The Little Mermaid. Dumbo is great and classic, but it does have a play area in the line, so might not be awful to wait with a toddler. Atlas loved the teacups as well, but I know some kids (and parents lollll) won't. Peter Pan would have been great (get a fastpass for that if you can). Pro tip: Do not go on the Magic Carpet ride and lower the carpet so the camel squirts your toddler directly in the face. It will make him cry. Mean Mommy mistake. There is also a splash pad area by Dumbo, which is fun, so bring a towel and change of clothes or bathing suit. Also, get yourself some Dole Whip while you are there. You deserve it.

- Epcot favorites: Spaceship Earth and Finding Nemo. The boat ride in Mexico would have been good as well, and the Frozen ride in Norway (get a fastpass for that if you can). A lot of parents hesitate to bring their kid to Epcot, but I thought it was great. There are splash pads that are usually open and an aquarium with the Nemo ride (air conditioning alert!). Epcot is also a good place to meet characters. Also, the World Showcase is amazing, because there is room to let your kid walk around without freaking out that they will get trampled, and there is GOOD FOOD AND ALCOHOL FOR YOU. Is this a win-win situation or what? The only downside that I saw to Epcot was that it was difficult to find shade. But there are plenty of shops, restaurants, and indoor rides when you want to get out of the sun.

- Animal Kingdom favorites: The Triceratops ride (like Dumbo), the Safari, and all the animal trails! I was pleasantly surprised by Animal Kingdom. It was like a very shaded, very large zoo with rides. Atlas LOVES animals, so he was never fussy or bored, and we barely had to wait in any lines. If you want to see Pandora, DEFINITELY get a fastpass for those rides. We did not this time, but we might try to next time. Also, you can spike your Dole Whip with either dark or coconut rum in this park. Not bad, Disney. Not bad.

14. CHARACTER TIPS. Make sure you get a fastpass to meet any characters you want to meet, especially Mickey and Minnie at some point if you want to do that. If you get to Epcot first thing at park open, you might be able to meet Mickey without waiting more than a few minutes. Sneaky pro tip: In Magic Kingdom, Talking Mickey and Tinkerbelle in the theater by the front of Main Street have virtually NO LINE when the parade comes by. We literally walked right up to Tinkerbelle. The parade starts at 3pm at the back of the park and works its way to the front, so around 3:15pm might be a good time. Talking Mickey in Magic Kingdom is leaving soon, so do that if you want the experience!

15. RIDER SWITCH. If you want to go on the "big" rides, ask the castmember for a rider switch pass. You can go on while your partner watches the kids, and then switch. It is a good way for you both to get to experience something for yourselves!

16. CARRIER AND LEASH. Okay, controversial tip to end the post. If your toddler likes to be worn, I found it very helpful to put him in the carrier in lines or while hopping on and off the parking tram. I also got a wrist leash for him, although I forgot it on this trip (MAJOR FAIL). It would have been extremely helpful for a toddler who is still not great at listening and staying still. I firmly believe in teaching your child to hold your hand and listen, but in crowded public places (Disney, the zoo, etc.) I have found it very helpful to use the wrist leash as a backup. Atlas has since improved in hand-holding and following direction, but I still had the safety net of the leash if he were to escape. Many, many families at Disney do this. And, as with any other parenting decisions, you know what works best for your family. Don't let other people's judgments make you feel bad.

That's it. That's all I got. If you have any questions, feel free to message me, but also you can just Google and you will see about a million more blog posts just like this one. ;)

First ride ever: Triceratops in Animal Kingdom.

Napping in the stroller in the Baby Care Center

Moana! Make way! Make way!

Saw tons of animals up close and personal on the safari

Disney Springs is a good place to go for dinner if you want to escape the craziness of the parks. This was Splitsville. Good food, good beer, and crayons. Can't beat that.

They were gearing up for the Flower and Garden Festival at Epcot. I have been there before during it, and it is THE BEST.

He sat so well on rides! This was Figment.

Need shade and a distraction? Wait in line for Spaceship Earth and tell your kid it is a giant golf ball.

This was one of his favorite rides. He LOVED seeing stars everywhere.

There are lots of activities kids will enjoy in the World Showcase. We watched a mariachi band in Mexico, acrobats do CRAZY SHIT in China, and Japan has a drum show!

The leash would have come in handy, but Kelly was a close second.

First monorail ride to Magic Kingdom

He's not afraid of Heffalumps and Woozles

Feeling the wind on his face on Dumbo

LeFou Brew and Gaston

This ruined him. Do not let your kid try LeFou Brew, or they will only want that forever.

The calmest 10 minutes of my life with Atlas awake was on It's a Small World.

A nice, shady overhang by The Little Mermaid, if you need it!

Good thing I like spinning. He wanted to spin more on the teacups!

Got to see some good friends for a bit while we were there!

Mrs. G. was my piano teacher for many years. She is one of the best people I know.

Keep your hotel doors locked if your toddler knows how to open doors...

Oh wait, one last tip: WHEN IN ORLANDO, MAKE A WAWA STOP. This probably should have been my number one tip, yo.

Friday, March 2, 2018



It has been almost four months since I have written. I believe the last time we chatted, I had just returned back from a two-month-long stay in New Jersey. You know, weddings and Hurricane Irma and all that jazz.

Well, I kind of lost my writing mojo after that. Truthfully, I kind of lost my mojo, period.

I had a pretty difficult time adjusting to being back in Florida. We arrived just in time to escape the cold northern weather, for which I was VERY grateful. But leaving family after being with them for so long... it was really hard. And I felt very lonely. And when I get lonely and depressed, I isolate. With the coming of winter, regardless of where I am in the world, comes seasonal depression. Since I moved to Florida, it has been WAY better. But it is still there, and being away from family, especially over the holidays, was so, so hard. Throw being sick every other week on top of it (thanks, teething toddler bean!), and you have a recipe for mental disaster for me.


I did have one thing to look forward to over the past few months:


Yes, remember that time I signed up for the Disney Princess Half Marathon? I thought it would be a good idea to get myself motivated to work out and feel like I was working toward a goal just for me, post-baby. Remember all that?

Okay. So. I am just going to be straight with you. I did not really train much at all for this race. I ran maybe five miles max. We were sick every other week, no lie, and it is still going on. One of the things that kept me happy over the winter was spending time with friends, and since most of us have kids, that involved lots of playdates and fun toddler classes for Atlas. We do music and mommy-and-me class once a week each, plus go the park, wildlife center, and house playdates. If you are unaware, toddlers are notorious for picking up and sharing germs for the first couple years. They put everything in their mouths, and their immune system needs to strengthen. Alas, that means cold and flu season is a TOTAL WRECK.

So, as race day neared, I did what I could to strengthen my body. I ran if I felt well enough and had enough time in the morning. But overall, I chose not to stress about it. It's not like I could change my situation. I have myself, my family, and a kid to take care of. I have a house to keep up. I have a social life, which I am not willing to sacrifice to go for a run. Plus, it was going to be Atlas's first trip to Disney. I chose to be excited about that instead of anxious about the run.

The morning of the race, I woke up at midnight and couldn't get back to sleep. We (Eric's cousin, Erin, and I) left at 3:45am, got to Epcot around 4am, and didn't start running until past 6:30am I believe. It was a very long, very tiring morning, but I felt excited and physically amazing when we started running. There were so many people just walking the entire thing, it was actually difficult to run at certain points on the course. The path would get clogged, but we did our best to keep going.

I think I ran up through Magic Kingdom, which was mile 6-7ish. I nearly cried when I saw the castle, because I am a Disney nerd like that, and even making it that far without proper training was better than I had expected to do. But once we left the park, my right leg started to hurt. I took a little break to walk, tried to run again, and I knew something was not right. Long story short, the rest of the race was straight highway into the Florida sun, and I was in pain. Erin paced us for 4 minutes run/ 30 seconds walk, but that became 1 minute walk, then 2 minutes walk, then just all walking by the time we got to maybe mile 8-9ish. I tried to stretch, and I tried to keep going, but I couldn't.

It was pretty disappointing, because I felt great besides my leg. I was excited, I could breathe, and I really thought I could run the whole thing when I got that renewed burst of energy in Magic Kingdom. And I felt bad for holding Erin back (even though she yelled at me for saying sorry. SORRY!)

The last few miles of the race were uphill highway and ramps to get back in to Epcot. It sucked, but whatever. Once I saw the 10 mile mark, I tried to jog as much as I could again without seriously hurting myself any more than I already had. We knew our family would be waiting to cheer us on soon, which motivated me.

If I am being honest, the REAL motivator was the spectator who was holding up a picture of Jack Pearson that said, "RUN LIKE YOU LEFT THE CROCKPOT ON!" Thank you, Jack. I love you forever, you sexy, amazing husband/father.

So, we rounded in to Epcot and saw Erin's fam, and then shortly before the finish, we saw Eric, Atlas, and Kelly. It made me smile so big to hug my little bean. Just as we saw the finish line, Thunderstruck by AC/DC came on, and I forced myself to run across the line. Was that a sign, or what? Times like that make me think that someone MUST be looking out for me.

And then, I cried happy tears / tears of pain, got my medal, got some ice, and went on my merry way to a day full of walking around Epcot!

I truly can not believe I finished 13.1 miles. I couldn't have done it without Erin. Even though I was disappointed that I couldn't run the entire thing, I did better than I originally thought I could. And I am pretty proud of myself for feeling fine afterwards, besides the pull in my leg (which is still bothering me, but it could be WAY worse). I had a great time in my favorite park (I say that about every Disney park though, I am starting to realize), was able to drink a margarita in Mexico, and had a celebratory Last Snow that night at the hotel while watching the fireworks from our balcony.

The original purpose of signing up for this race was to allow myself to take time to do something for ME again. JUST FOR ME. Alone. And to get back in shape, boost my self-confidence, and make myself feel like I can still accomplish insane physical feats like I am still 25 years old.

But... I am not 25 years old anymore. I will be 30 in a month. I had a baby. My body is WAY different now than it was several years ago. I have no family here to support me while I take the time to train for a half marathon. Florida is HOT, and I do not like to run in the heat. And you know what? I am not going to make excuses and say I don't have time to eat healthy, because I do. The truth is that I feel like I have better things to do with my time than meal prep for myself, when I know Atlas and Eric will need completely separate things to eat. And at night, I would rather relax with my husband, who I rarely see, or go out with friends, who I also rarely see.

This race was supposed to make me feel like I am still "myself" post-baby, but what it actually taught me is much more valuable than that. It taught me that "myself" has changed. My life has changed, and my priorities are different. While I believe it is important to take care of myself (which I will continue to do), I have realized that getting my pre-baby body back will not make me happiest. What makes me happiest? Spending time with people I love. Reading books. Watching Atlas explore outside. Relaxing and playing board games with Eric. BEER. TEQUILA. PIZZA. And setting attainable goals for myself that will not interfere with those things.

I am proud of myself for doing another half marathon, and I think it was a worthwhile experience. But I hope that, when I tell Atlas about it, he realizes that trying your hardest and doing what makes you happiest is what really counts in life.

Up next: DISNEY PART TWO: Atlas's First Disney Trip!

Hello Epcot at 4am. Yes, we are R2D2 and Princess Leia inspired.
Happiest place on earth, amiright?

Famsquad Pt. 1

Famsquad Pt. 2. Atlas looks less than thrilled to be next to a sweaty Mommy.

Crossing the finish line THANK THE LORD

This is after I basically bathed myself in baby wipes in an Epcot bathroom. Just tryna keep it real, kids.