Friday, December 30, 2016

Goodbye, 2016.

2016 was definitely the weirdest year of my life. Exactly a year ago today, Eric and I surprised our parents:

I still remember their reactions. The dads both got it first and exclaimed "WHAT?!" and when the moms finally understood what was going on, there were lots of happy tears. It took everything in my power to keep it a secret from pretty much everyone else, especially with New Years Eve coming up.

Being pregnant wasn't the most fun for me. I had spotting issues in the beginning, which was terrifying. I had a difficult time staying calm, and I felt sick as hell. All I could eat was frozen pizza and fresh fruit. Nym tore her ACL and needed surgery, I got into a car accident with the kids because some stupid Florida driver wasn't paying attention on the highway, I got sick, I went to the hospital because I couldn't breathe and found out I had hairline rib fractures from coughing so hard, Baby Mazz kept kicking my injured ribs, I had to fly home with a sinus infection for my baby shower, I had to leave the best job I ever had, and let us not forget I COULD NOT DRINK ALCOHOL ALL SUMMER.

But it was one of the best years of my life. Being pregnant taught me a lot about myself, and despite my worst fears, I was actually more comfortable in my own skin than I had ever been. Even now, after Atlas has wreaked havoc on my body, I am still more confident than ever before. You know why? Because I made a human. I look far less "perfect" than I did before, and sometimes I look back at pictures from a couple years ago and wish I had appreciated my body instead of focusing on every single thing I perceived as a flaw. My hips are even bigger now, my eyes have more wrinkles and darker circles, my tummy skin is not as tight, and let's not even get started on the mess that is my chest. This is the first time in my life that I can say NONE OF IT MATTERS and truly mean it. I am too busy trying to keep my little rebel baby and myself alive.

When Atlas was born, literally THE INSTANT he was born, my entire perspective on life changed. My relationships with Eric, my family, his family, all our friends, it all changed. Some of it for the worse, some of it for the better, but the one constant is that Atlas is my number one priority. I have had to make difficult decisions, dealt with anxiety and self-doubt, and fielded judgment from many people, but my only concern is taking care of my little family unit. This is my job now, and anyone who knows me knows that I work really fucking hard to be the best at any job I do. I'm a perfectionist. The only difference now is that instead of trying to make everyone else happy, I am my own boss, and the only people I am concerned about making happy are Atlas, Eric, and myself.

The past four and a half months have gone by so quickly, even though each day feels slow. I know that from here on out, as Atlas grows up, time will continue to fly by at a faster pace each year. We were fortunate enough to be able to go home for the holidays, and it was a surreal experience. Being in my childhood home with my own baby on Christmas... I swear it was just yesterday that I was sitting at the "kids table" on Christmas Eve, eating pasta with no gravy while my dad threatened to kick me out of being Italian, putting cookies out for Santa, waking up to my dream toys, helping Aunt Joyce fill the living room with gifts for me and my cousins on Christmas Day... I wish my grandparents and Aunt Joyce were still around to see how great things have gone for us all.

My mom found the baby book she kept for me. She wrote a note about me almost every single day that first year. I cried. 

I have had a really fucking good life so far, and now I get to pay it forward to Atlas. Who knows what the future will bring, but I'm thinking 2017 will be another difficult but amazing year. Atlas is not an easy baby, but that's okay. I wasn't either, apparently, and my family and I turned out just fine. ;)

Atlas slept long enough for us to decorate our tree and put out the gifts for our Florida Christmas 
And he slept long enough for us to watch Christmas movies, too!

"Christmas" morning

Watching The Polar Express with Dad around 7am ;)

Atlas is SO CLOSE to rolling back to front. I swear he can do it. He's just lazy.

4 Month photoshoot behind the scenes

4am airport shenanigans

We had a row to ourselves on the plane

Atlas handled flying like a pro

First stop in NJ: WAWA. Atlas was super happy about it

The moment Atlas met one of his great grandmoms! Another camera flash went off at the same time, which I find fascinating. One exact millisecond in time. Crazy.

Seeing Poppop Deeg for the first time in three months

Before Atlas started refusing his bottles AGAIN for no effing reason, he progressed to actually LOVING them and holding them on his own!

We all had colds, so we didn't get a chance to go out and sit on Santa's lap, but we happened to pull into my neighborhood one night right behind Santa on his fire truck!

Bundled up in cold NJ

Atlas loved looking at all the Christmas trees wherever we went

Playing with some of his new toys

Christmas Eve and our 7 year date-aversary :)

Christmas PJs!

Lol wut

Aunt Linny on Christmas morning

Very excited for Christmas!

Before Atlas decided to start his four month sleep regression (ahemJERKahem...) he slept AMAZINGLY wherever we went!


Then he decided to HATE sleep with a burning passion, so much so that he started refusing to sleep at all. We thought it was part of his allergic reaction (I accidentally ate dairy on the trip :( ), but no. It's definitely a growth spurt. We finally got him to sleep on his belly. Luckily the DockATot is breathable. I moved him on to his side, though. I'm paranoid. He is still giving us a hard time, even now that we are home. He had been on a good schedule, too! These babies always throw you for a loop when you least expect it.

Perks of growth spurts: Baby learns new things! Like sitting fairly well with little support, grabbing, talking, smiling, moving, and even improving on the Face Crawl! Hah.

Atlas was pretty unhappy during takeoff, but he slept the entire rest of the flight home, through the airport, waiting for bags, walking to the car, driving home, and walking up to bed... and THEN he woke up. Silly baby.


Back with my Nym girl!

My baby likes bacon! Bacon shaped teething toys, that is. But he will like real bacon, too, because he is my child. ;)

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