Monday, November 21, 2016

Three Months!

Atlas is three months old. How crazy is that?

I love that little bean.

Life with a baby has been falling in to place. We don't have a schedule yet by any means, but things are getting easier to manage. Notice I didn't say things are EASIER. We're just all getting more used to dealing with the difficulties.

Atlas has been changing every day. He smiles a ton and is starting to giggle. He loves peekaboo and mirrors. He is no longer swaddled when he sleeps, so he is trying desperately to find his thumb, which has been causing more harm than good when he inevitably ends up rubbing his wet fist all over his face in the middle of the night. He has given me a few nights of only ONE feeding around 2am, but he still has some bad nights, too. And he's still a terrible napper. But his face lights up when he sees me, especially in the morning, which makes all the hell-days worthwhile. He's definitely a Mama's boy.

I haven't really felt like writing for awhile. It has been a stressful past few weeks. We are still dealing with tummy troubles. I thought the dairy-free diet was helping, but it didn't completely solve the problem, so I also cut out soy. It has been pretty difficult, seeing as dairy and soy are in basically EVERYTHING. But I am managing. Unfortunately neither of these eliminations seem to have solved the problem. We went back to the doctor last week, and they decided to run tests to eliminate viral and bacterial issues. Sure enough, they came back normal, so the doctor thinks we will end up needing to see a GI specialist and have further testing done, possibly an allergy grid. He might be allergic to MY milk protein, not just cow's milk. I didn't even know that was a thing. I am waiting on a call back from her now to talk about where we go from here.

Even though I am not against formula feeding, I will still feel guilty if I stop nursing Atlas. It has been so engrained in us that "breast is best", which it is, but there are so many reasons why people might switch to formula that make it best for them, their baby, and their family. In this case, it would DEFINITELY be best to formula feed Atlas with special non-dairy non-soy formula if he was allergic, of course. So why do I feel so bad about it? To be completely honest, I haven't found breastfeeding to be a magical, enjoyable experience, and I feel like Atlas is frustrated by it a lot of the time, too. But when nursing actually goes well, it is the best bonding experience. He is TERRIBLE at taking bottles, absolutely hates it, and goes on a hunger strike whenever we try to give him one, so I know he prefers when I feed him. It makes me feel like he will think I don't like him if we need to switch to formula all of a sudden. I just want to do what is best for him, but it is a big mental mindfuck that I didn't expect to experience. I spent so much time researching breastfeeding, taking classes, learning how to do it, fighting through the difficulties for the past three months... I will just feel so, so bad if my milk has been hurting him and then I need to stop nursing him on top of it.

Anyway, in happier news, Eric and I are OFFICIALLY going home for Christmas! December 20th-29th. I CAN. NOT. WAIT. The only thing that would make it better is if Nym could come with us. But I can't wait to take Atlas to see Christmas lights, to dress him up in cute winter clothes, to take pictures of him on Christmas in our childhood homes, and for him to finally meet everyone. When I couldn't go home in October, it was very upsetting for a lot of reasons, but one of them was that I had been so excited to introduce Atlas to all of our friends and family ASAP after he was born. I wanted everyone to hold him when he was teeny tiny and to take him to party with our friends. I used to hate people who posted constantly about their kids on social media, but the reason I post pictures of him basically every day is because it makes me feel like he is more connected with all his aunts, uncles, cousins, blood-related and otherwise. It really sucks not being close to everyone, and it always has, but it especially sucks now that we have Atlas. We are going to do our best to make sure he understands how important our family and friends are. Now, he is a giant chunker who is starting to develop a personality, so it may actually be even more exciting in a way for people to meet him at this time. It's going to be hard to work around the holiday, but I am determined to see as many people as possible!

I've been getting lots of smiles!

Still loving tummy time

Uncle Alex came to visit!

We loved trying on bibs. We loved it SO much that we went through five in one day...

We voted! Everyone was super nice there and loved Atlas. He got his own sticker. :)

We started making our own acai bowls. Delish.

Every once in awhile, I still just let him sleep on me.

Hanging out at DOTPB New Moms group

These are the smiles I get every morning! He loves his lovie, Boo.

Buddha belly muffin top

Sleeping on me... again... I give in more often than I should, but he's so squishy and cute and keeps me warm.

We went to the Green Market in West Palm. It was a beautiful day.

My dudes

Smiles in the car after I fed him in the backseat while parked in the Target parking lot, haha.

At Civil Society in Abacoa, on a night that happened to be some giant car meet. Atlas wanted to look at all the cool cars.

Family jam sesh. Daddy on guitar, Mommy on vox, Nym on the squeaky ball, and Atlas on the keys obviously.

Daddy kisses

Dad and his babies

Nym and I supervising play time. Look at that derpy dog smile hahahaha.

Went grocery shopping with him in the carrier for the first time. He did pretty well!

Trying on his new winter hat, knitted by Great Grandmom Kayser. Flyers colors! And wearing his Adopt Don't Shop onesie from Charity (Under the Sea Vinyl). We're all about the handmade goods.

Snuck out to Guanabanas with Kristin and Danielle for some much needed drinks. Atlas gave Eric a really hard time at home, refusing to eat his bottle and screaming for hours until he fell asleep. When he woke up after I got home, Eric tried the bottle again, and he was so hungry that he took it. I don't want to force him to be super hungry and cry every time I go out! Any suggestions to get him to take the bottle?

He grabs his toys now!

Reading books

Nym doesn't get enough love these days. I try to take her for walks on my own if Eric is home. She loves Atlas, but I miss quality time with my girl.

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