Thursday, September 22, 2016

Getting My Shit Together

Ayooooo. Look at me, writing in the middle of the afternoon while my child sleeps in his Rock and Play!

Please note the unused pacifier on the table. Damn kid still won't take it for any longer than 2 minutes, if that.
Oh shit, he just woke up. Be riiiiight back...

Alright. Got him back down. I know he's a newborn and just needs what he needs, and I do comfort him and hold him, but I can't hold him LITERALLY all day. I just can't. So I am trying really hard to get him to nap swaddled in the Rock and Play, so that he associates it with sleep. This is the first week Eric has been at work all day every day, and I have been very UNproductive, due to Atlas being a clingy little grumpypants who can't eat properly and has a full diaper every two seconds.

His doctor appointment went well. He has gained a ton of weight, and we are working on the eating/GI issues. No medication for the reflux since he's gaining, and the stomach pain is tied to the feeding issues, so we need to focus on managing that, and hopefully, it will resolve within a couple months. We tried using gas drops at night the past few nights. He is still uncomfortable, but he has been going to back to sleep more easily and giving me (and him) about 2.5 hours of consecutive sleep. Progress!

It is very upsetting to me that I haven't been able to get the housework done, or even shower sometimes. Since this is my job now, I want to do it well. 1. I'm a perfectionist, and 2. I NEED to feel like I am accomplishing something other than being a milk machine. I never planned on being a stay-at-home mom. I mean, I never planned on being a mom, ever. But when we changed our minds about that, we decided that I would stay home, at least until our child went to school. We didn't have a kid until we were in a financial situation where we wouldn't need to send our kid to daycare. Honestly, it isn't worth the money to us. We wouldn't be earning anything extra. All I earn at work would just go toward daycare (because it's so ridiculously expensive, but that's another rant...), so I would rather stay home with him myself. My mom stayed home to raise my sister and I, and I have always thought it is admirable for a mom to do that, even when I was so career-oriented. Being a stay-at-home mom is HARD work, and my mom somehow always had the house clean, helped us with projects, took care of pets, babysat on the side, drove us to all our extracurriculars, AND had a delicious dinner prepared every night.

But right now, I am feeling kind of like a failure, because I haven't even been able to wipe the fucking countertops off or fold the laundry.

I'm a frazzled mess.

I know, I know. I'm a new mom. Those things will all come in time. This is just how I'm feeling right now, and I wanted to share it. I just thought by the time he was a month old, I would have my shit a liiiittle bit more together than I do right now.

I did manage to get some things done today: laundry, organizing some things in the nursery, and decorating for Fall (this was obviously a priority over showering or cleaning the kitchen and floors). ;) I'll post some pictures soon of my Fall decor.

One of Atlas's first real smiles! He hasn't smiled a ton since this, probably because he's usually in pain, but I can't wait to see more of these!

Watching the Eagles game... the pre-game show obviously bored him to sleep.

Visiting the doctor for our one-month checkup.

He loves to snuggle on Dad.

And he loves to lay on the couch with Mom, too.

And he loves to sleep while he listens to music, too. He just LOVES to sleep, as long as he's on someone!

Pulling Mom's hair.

Famsquad walk time! Look at that squishy baby!

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