Atlas is One Month Old!

I sit here writing this post from my bed, unshowered, teeth not brushed, hair not brushed, no makeup, no shirt on, baby on my chest, at almost 2pm.

Check out my wonky eyebrows!

Just keeping it real, people.

Atlas is one month old today! I KEPT A HUMAN ALIVE FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH! Isn't that ridiculous? I still feel like the days pass slowly and the overall time passes quickly. Atlas has changed so much in just one month. He's bigger, more alert, has more going on (we'll get to that later)... he's not my scrawny newborn anymore. Now, he's a little chunk. His crispy bacon ears have inflated and are no longer crispy. They are like uncooked bacon, as Kristin said.

Every single day, I find myself looking at pictures from his first days of life. I want time to stop now.

But it hasn't been an easy month, that's for sure.

Atlas is like most newborns. He sleeps a lot and poops even more. He's always hungry. He's up all night. But he started being extra fussy during his second week. I wish he was just awake at night, wanting to look around, but the poor kid is clearly in pain. He definitely has some combination of reflux and BAD gas pains going on. It's gotten worse every day. Needless to say, I've been up literally all night every night. The worst part is that I'm pretty sure it's my fault. Well, not MY fault. We don't need to go on a whole tangent about my boobs (sorry, I know you would all LOVE that), but long story short, breastfeeding issues are causing him to have gas, which is causing him to be weird with eating, which is causing the feeding issues to continue... it's just a bad cycle. And the reflux is just a thing some babies deal with, some worse than others. There is really no worse feeling than knowing your kid is in pain and not being able to help, and knowing you might even be causing it. I think I'm finally starting to figure it out thanks to my awesome support system, and hopefully we'll get more answers at the doctor this week, so fingers crossed little Atlas Bean and I get sorted out soon. I'm sure he is continuing to gain weight and grow, which is the most important thing.

As upsetting as this all is, I still love him very much and want to spend every waking moment with him (which is good, because I'm ALWAYS awake!).

Over the past month, our families have been here visiting. It has been difficult to get into any kind of routine with people here, but it's been worth it to see everyone interact with Atlas. I almost cried when my dad met him. Linny and Alex have the magic touch and can always calm him down. Even Aunt Kelly (aka Bertha) sang him to sleep. The PopPops and MomMoms can't stop bragging about him to everyone. When everyone left, it was the hardest goodbye we've ever had to say.

The good news is that I'm pretty sure everyone is moving to Florida now. ;)

Anyway, we have been up to a couple fun things this month. We went to the Food Truck Invasion in Abacoa and Loggerhead Marinelife Center to see the turtles. We also went to our first New Moms group, which was amazing! Everyone there was super cool, welcoming, and supportive (hi if you're reading this!). Once he is vaccinated and his feeding issues are resolved, I'll be able to get out more often with him. I've been on a couple quick Starbucks runs without him, which was both nervewracking and liberating at the same time. Being out by myself felt normal, almost like the past few weeks were a dream. No, that does not make me a bad mom. I think it's pretty normal to miss what life was like BC (Before Child!), and I don't think I've had Atlas for long enough yet for it to feel more normal to be with him than without him. But if Eric hadn't been home when I was out, I think I would have definitely been freaking out way more about leaving Atlas. Once I get to the point where I can pump, we will see how much of a basketcase I am about leaving him with anyone for more than 10 minutes (hint: 100% off my rocker).

Morning cuddles

Dad meeting Atlas

MomMom and PopPop Deeg. Atlas holding my dad's finger.

Aunt Linny

Back when Atlas actually slept in his Mamaroo, lollllllz

Yes, this is cute, but the best part about it is his onesie. Look at the double decker buses! SO BRITISH! We are going to go to England and drink tea and ride the red buses some day.

"I only have eyes for Mom" <3

Atlas meeting MomMom and PopPop Mazz

"The cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon..." Lololllll

Aunt Terri meeting Atlas

Seeing sea turtles. He started screaming after 20 minutes there, hehe.

Standard pose. Pissed about having a pacifier in his mouth, I'm sure.

"Handsome like Daddy" <3

Hanging out with Uncle Alex

Toasting to Atlas with some Bourbon County, which ended up being sour >:( Wahhh

Uncle Ben and Aunt Kristin brought coffee and Chloe in exchange for some Atlas time :)

Attempted this setup last night: Laying flat in the pack n play against the bed. This was at daybreak, when he decided he could maybe finally doze off for 5 minutes :-P