Sunday, June 26, 2016

31 Weeks

I'm just going to be completely honest: Seeing the nursery all set up must have triggered some type of mental breakdown, because I completely went off the deep end this past week.

I mean, really off the deep end. 

Seeing the crib made the whole parenting thing seem very real, and it just set me off on a huge emotional rollercoaster. Getting upset with Eric for the stupidest reasons like EVERY DAY, feeling like shit about myself, not wanting to do anything productive. I had to miss Nick and Katie's wedding up north on Friday night, which made me really sad. The swelling in my feet got much worse all of a sudden, and it hurts. Kristin tried to literally force compression socks onto my feet on Friday night, but I kicked and told her they look like granny stockings. This upcoming week is my last week of work, and I'm having an identity crisis about "doing nothing with my life" and "being purposeless." I am going to miss my work fam. I broke down crying last night for the first time in a long time, saying "I'm going to be a terrible parent. Everyone will be better off without me." Well geez, THAT escalated quickly.

I don't think it's fair to discount the feelings of pregnant women as "just hormonal," because these feelings are valid, but I think the crazy hormones probably exacerbated the breakdown.

Wahwahwah, bitchbitchbitch. This is all just normal pregnancy stuff, plus an annoying illness and a couple fractured ribs along the way. I could feel a lot worse and look a lot worse. Life will go on. Sometimes, it's just necessary to bitch it out in order to move forward.

So I made Eric and Nym come to Jupiter Donut Factory and Starbucks with me this morning, because sugar is obviously a cure-all for mental health issues.
Lemon-frosted Blueberry and Red Velvet Devil doughnuts from Jupiter Donut Factory. NOMNOM!
How far along?  31 weeks. Baby is the size of an otter... without the tail... lololllll

Total weight gain/measurements: WELL. I did not gain another 8 lbs. in two weeks. I gained just under 2 lbs. in two weeks. Looks like the doctor was right, and I am starting to level out after playing catchup from my weight loss in the first trimester.

Maternity clothes: No new ones, but I definitely need some to get me through summer.

Stretch marks: Just those white ones on my hips so far.

Sleep: My dreams have been CRAZY this week. That's how I know the hormones are really affecting me. I had one dream where I had an easy labor and saw the baby, but then I passed out. The doctors made me walk the halls to find Eric and the baby when I woke up. I got trapped in a creepy stairwell. When I finally got out and found their room, I tried to feed the baby, but I couldn't. And then EVERYONE came to visit, even though I said I didn't want visitors right now. You guys are great and all, but there were like 50 of you in the hospital room, and you kept taking Baby Mazz from me! I JUST WANTED TO FEED MY BABY, PEOPLE! Hahahahahaha good god.

Best moment this week: Just hanging out with friends! We had a hilarious game night at Ben and Kristin's. It started with coloring with Chloe, and ended with several rounds of Werewolf consisting of creating ridiculous identities and backstories. May we never forget Naked Tom, Bob the Village Alcoholic, Boris, the cast of Twilight, and Chad who Vapes.

And Saturday was Katie's baby shower! Katie is due to have Baby Leo three days after Baby Mazz's due date. We could very well be screaming in pain in rooms next to each other in the hospital. It was a nice day catching up at a pavilion by the beach.
Friends! Wish Heather was here!
Trying to get Chloe in the picture
Pay attention, kid!
She's reaching for a gummy...
The finished product. Haha

Miss anything? Alcohol. I could've used a drink this week ;)

Movement: Lots! He has the hiccups on a more regular basis now, and he keeps kicking my ribs, which is pretty uncomfortable. But feeling him move is one of the only things I love about being pregnant. It makes it all worth it, and fun, and happy.

Food cravings: Besides just craving sugar, I am especially loving strawberries. Call me crazy, but I have never really cared for strawberries. But now, if I have one bite, I can't stop eating them! WTF PREGNANCY?!

Anything making you queasy or sick? Chicken, sometimes.

Gender:  Boy

Labour signs: Nope

Symptoms: Heartburn, indigestion, migraines, spider and vericose veins and sun spots are all starting to appear, shortness of breath, back pain, swelling, weird dreams, and being craycray out of my mind...

Belly button in or out? Outie

Wedding rings on or off? On, but I had trouble getting them off yesterday. Yikes.

Happy or moody most of the time: ... Moody is an understatement.

Looking forward to: Having a free summer, even though I will miss my work fam terribly and feel useless. It will be good to have time to get a lot of things done around here so we can be completely prepared for Baby Mazz!

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