Sunday, June 12, 2016

29 Weeks

This week has been full of happiness in my personal life, but full of sadness in the great U.S.A.

Between the lax sentence given to Stanford rapist (not swimmer) Brock Turner and last night's mass shooting in Orlando, I honestly don't know what to make of society right now.

I think a lot about these things now that I am going to bring another life into this world. I think about the danger that lurks around seemingly every corner. We obviously can't be there at every moment to protect our children, no matter how old they are. Babies die from SIDS, even if all preventative measures have been taken. Kids fall into gorilla enclosures (anyone who thinks this couldn't happen to their child is wrong). Girls get raped at parties (I'm honestly shocked that it never happened to me, because it very easily could have). And now, it seems like we're not safe from gun violence no matter where we go. Movie theaters, malls, schools, night clubs, restaurants, rock concerts... I think about it every time I go to a public place. I know I'm a paranoid, anxious mess of a human, but isn't that sad? Isn't it sad that THAT is what causes me anxiety about public places? That I or someone I love might DIE.

And I think about my little dude. One of the main reasons Eric and I didn't want to have kids was because the world is fucked up. But then, we thought we could raise a respectful, caring person who makes the world a better place. Someone who is accepting of all, sticks up for others, who helps the less fortunate, who fights for equality and justice, and who looks out for his friends and not just himself. After all, that is the kind of personality both Eric and I have.

I think about how horrible it would be if such a good person, my SON, were to be taken away from this world by a senseless act of violence. But then, I think about something no one wants to think about: What if my kid grows up to be someone who does something horrible?

Dylan Klebold's mother recently spoke out and wrote a book about her experience as the mother of "The Columbine Shooter". How terrible. I haven't read the book, but I know that she didn't realize that her son was capable of such a thing. She didn't realize the extent of his mental health issues. She was an involved parent. And yet, she could not protect her son from both external and internal influences that resulted in the Columbine shooting.

I know this is horrific to think about, but our society is really messed up right now. There is a culture of hatred, privilege, and judgment that is prevalent, and anyone who thinks otherwise must be in denial. I can only try to do the best I can as a parent to both protect my child and raise him to be a good person who helps change the world for the better. That includes having an open dialogue about these issues with him, even though it's scary and overwhelming to think about talking to my kid about such serious topics.

Anyway, on to something happier. Baby Watch:

How far along?  29 weeks! Baby Mazz is the size of a cottontail rabbit hehehehe. Almost 3 lbs. at this point!

Total weight gain/measurements: Alright, well, I gained about 8 lbs. in the past two weeks, so 15 lbs. total... I know I went a little overboard with the desserts last weekend, what with all the fun events, but I truly am not eating THAT much more than I did pre-pregnancy. It's not showing anywhere else besides my belly really, so I think Baby Mazz just had a growth spurt. The doctor said a lot of women have a big growth spurt like this at some point, and then it tapers off. If I gain 1 lb. per week for the rest of my pregnancy, I will be on target for a 25 lb. weight gain, which is the minimum they want me to gain.

Maternity clothes: Nothing new, but I officially fit in to NO pre-pregnancy shorts or jeans anymore. Maternity jeans, maxi skirts, and sundresses it is for me!

Stretch marks: Still none

Sleep: Between my cold, needing to pee all the time, and the baby moving around in the middle of the night, I'm not getting much sleep at all! But I even love laying in my new bed while I'm awake, so that's nice. :)

Best moment this week: Lots of friend time this weekend! Playing games and going to downtown West Palm for dinner and lunch was super fun. AND we also had a meeting with our doula on Tuesday night. We created a birth plan, discussed all sorts of pain management techniques, and talked about the hospital policies. After she left, Eric just looked at me and said, "...I'm really glad we got a doula." Me too, man, me too. I think we'd feel pretty lost and unprepared for natural childbirth without her. AND ALSO, we pre-registered for my delivery at the hospital. They had lemon water and crystal chandeliers in the lobby, soooo... pretty nice place. Maybe it'll feel like I'm at a spa instead of a hospital! Ha.

Miss anything? Breathing through my nose... blah blah blah enough about being sick. If I wasn't sick for the past two months, I may have actually not minded being pregnant... MAYBE. Oh, and I miss my family like crazy right now.

Movement: Lots! I think I should be counting kicks. Is that a thing everyone does? I just know he moves around a lot, so I'm assuming all is well in there. I can see him rippling across my belly. Now, it's starting to feel like he is stretching out in there. I can feel him reach out on both sides of my body at the same time! Crazy, weird, and amazing, all at the same time.

Food cravings: Still sugar sugar sugar! I've eaten LOTS of fruit this week and tried to steer clear of the ice cream. ;)

Anything making you queasy or sick? GUESS WHAT. I had grilled chicken on my Caesar salad today! BIG PROGRESS!

Gender: Rock star

Labour signs: Nah. I hope those stay away until Week 37. Then, he can come whenever he wants, as long as he's healthy and ready!

Symptoms: Heartburn/indigestion, swelling in my ankles at times, restless legs at night

Belly button in or out? Out!

Wedding rings on or off? No swelling in my hands yet, so still on!

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy a lot of times, but moody in general. Typical for after I leave my family.

Looking forward to: Getting the baby furniture! It should come this week. Next weekend, I hope we get to set it up and start decorating!

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