Monday, May 2, 2016

Week 23

Well, Week 22 may have made me feel horrible, but Week 23 actually sent me to the hospital! And it was only the first day of the week! Hopefully it can't get much worse from here.

No one freak out. Everything is fine with le bebe. We actually had a fetal echocardiogram done last Wednesday, which I didn't tell anyone about. I didn't want to scare everyone for no reason. It was completely precautionary, because heart defects have occurred in our family. The doctor assured us that the baby's heart looked fine during the ultrasound, and sure enough, the echo showed that everything is forming and functioning properly. So, whew.

Last week was basically filled with resting, working, and coughing. My cough got worse, but I felt like I had energy, so I was fine going back to work on Wednesday. I missed the kids, and I actually felt better when I was up and moving.

Saturday was Chloe's 2nd birthday party. It was mermaid-themed and super cute. It's hard to believe that I will be planning birthday celebrations for my own kid next year. I still remember Chloe being a little chunky grumpypants baby who I had to sit with in the back seat of the car to keep from crying. Now, she is an actual kid. Like, a walking, talking human who gets excited to see me, invites me into her playhouse, and poses for pictures.

Anyway, I was all emotional about it on Saturday and happy to see everyone at Kristin's for the party. I was having fun catching up with people and eating lots of food when I started to feel kind of shitty, which I figured I deserved after eating like ten "sand dollar snickerdoodles" and a giant piece of cake. I left around 3pm to get back to Nym, and by the time I got home, I was having a pain on the right side of my chest. It honestly felt like the underwire of my bra was digging into me if I breathed in too deeply or coughed. I attributed this to my big pregnancy boobs and vowed to get new bras the next day.

Well, I took my bra off later, and it was still happening. And getting worse. And by the time I woke up on Sunday, it felt like someone was stabbing me in the right lung every time I took a breath. Coughing was excruciating.

I tried to take Nym out to use the potty three times, and she refused to leave my side to poop. It made me feel like something was really wrong. Animals know these things. After crying to my dad about how I didn't want to go to the hospital, I decided to just fucking go to the hospital. I didn't want to die in my house alone (I should mention that Eric was out of town for all this). So I drove my ass to the ER.

Now, I have never been to an ER, but I was expecting it to look like Grey's Anatomy. It did not. It was very nice and comfortable. That made me feel better.

They saw me pretty immediately, hooked me up to an IV, and checked baby's heartbeat, which was fine. The doctor ran through a bunch of information with me, the bottom line being that I could have a blood clot in my lung. Pregnancy makes you more susceptible to clotting, and since my chest doesn't hurt when you press on it, it could be a more internal problem like this. He said that I could need a CT scan, which puts the baby at a slightly elevated lifetime risk for cancer from the radiation, but if I didn't get one and actually had an undiagnosed clot, it could kill me and/or the baby. Great. If they did find a clot, I would need to be put on blood thinners, and this would become a high-risk pregnancy. Also great.

After blood tests, ultrasounds on my legs to check for clots there, a chest x-ray to make sure I didn't have pneumonia or a collapsed lung, a stupid CT scan that made me feel like I was going to pee my pants from the contrast dye, and five hours of Property Brothers on HGTV, they determined that no clotting was detected. I must just have really bad pulled muscles in my chest or a hairline rib fracture from coughing so much.

I swear to god, this damn bronchitis is the worst sickness I've ever had. I keep wishing I didn't go to the ER, because then I never would have had a CT scan. I cried about it. But what if I really did have a blood clot? The doctor said he wouldn't have recommended it if it wasn't the best option. He said I'm not in the first trimester anymore, which is good, and the scan is of my chest, so they can cover up my abdomen very, very well. One of the other ER doctors had the same exact thing happen to her when she was pregnant, including coughing, and it WAS a clot. Thank god she did the scan.

I'm feeling pretty much the same today, just getting better at managing the chest pain. Baby Mazz is moving around as much as ever, so he seems to be pretty happy in there. I can see and feel him moving on the outside now, which is super cool. :)

A lot of people don't understand why I blog about these personal things, and why I publish it for everyone and their mom to see. The reason is not because I think my life is so damn interesting. It's not. I honestly do not care if anyone reads this at all. I write so that I can look back and remember these times in my life, and because it's a good way to keep family and friends updated when I live so far away. I don't have time to call or text everyone all the time, and I know some of them read this.

I share it with the general public in the hopes that my mundane life experiences might speak to someone else. I write BECAUSE my life is not that interesting. A ton of other people go through the things I go through. Moving, career changes, getting married, being pregnant, scary things happening... I'm not alone in this, but sometimes I feel like it, so I know other people must feel that way, too. There have got to be other pregnant women who are faced with tough healthcare decisions, and they probably cry about it. Or moms who feel judged for their parenting choices, whatever they may be. Or people who feel lost, because they finally achieved their lifelong career goal and realized it's not what they want anymore. Or people who feel homesick and alone and out of place, even when they are surrounded by friendly people.

So, if you happen to be reading this and are having a hard time in life, I feel ya. And if you happen to have read some of my more joyful posts, then I hope it brought some joy to your day, or made you want to share your joy with others. We're all just floating around in the sea of life, trying to get picked up in the right current, and sometimes we need a little help. Like the sea turtles in Finding Nemo, right, dudes?!

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