Tuesday, February 16, 2016

New Year's Eve Secrecy

January 1st, 2016.


I was drinking "vodka" lemonade all night, and I helped Kristin pour the champagne, aka snuck into the garage fridge to pour myself some sparkling white grape juice. Publix was all out of the sparkling cider that Aunt Joyce used to give us as kids. Wah. Disappointing.

I don't THINK anyone noticed. Eric, Ben, and Kristin were good with not giving anything away. When I asked Eric to refill my drink, he tapped on the window between the dining room and kitchen, held up the vodka bottle, and pointed at it as if to ask "This is what you were drinking, right?" Nice touch, Eric. Maybe you are not the worst liar of all time ;)

It was definitely weird not drinking alcohol in a social situation like that, where I know everyone else is drinking. I tried to be outgoing and bubbly, like my buzzed personality, but it was really hard with how tired I was and how shitty I felt. On top of the social anxiety I struggle with, even just around multiple friends at the same time, feeling nauseous at the thought of food did not help.

I thought the sickness wasn't supposed to start until six weeks, but part of the reason I knew I was pregnant is because I was starting to feel sick a little over a week ago. I guess everyone is different. Hopefully I don't start actually throwing up. I've been trying to force down ANY kind of food as soon as it sounds appealing to me. So far, that's pizza and white cheddar cheez its. I hate white cheddar cheez its. This is so fucking weird.

I ended up telling my work fam yesterday as well. It was going to be impossible to keep it a secret with multiple doctor appointments conflicting with my work schedule and the sickness I'm feeling. And god forbid something bad happens while I am at work, or I need to call out... I don't want them to think I'm just screwing them over, and I want them to understand what was going on. They were so supportive and excited and happy for me. Cue the crying all over again. I told them I am planning on operating just like normal, because it helps me stay relaxed when I'm busy, but they told me to just stay home and take care of myself if I'm feeling really bad and nothing important is going on that day. I am really, really lucky to have such a great support system.

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