Friday, January 1, 2016

New Year, New Me?

Happy 2016!

A year ago, I started doing a #PhotoADay on my instagram, with the hope that I would start to see something good in every day. I stuck with it for a good while, but there ended up being days when I just didn't see the need to post a picture, or didn't remember to post a picture. I could have beat myself up over this, but I realized it was only because my challenge was WORKING.

2014 was a difficult year for me. Planning a wedding from far away was hard, and it was my first full year living in Florida. Eric's grandfather passed away, and all we wanted to do was be with our family. Our wedding was a killer party (judging by the hangovers ;) ), but our honeymoon was ruined by the worst stomach virus we had ever experienced. And we couldn't go home for Christmas, because we had spent so much money on travel for the wedding the entire year. My job went downhill very quickly, to the point where I didn't feel safe or supported at my school.

I was determined to make 2015 better for myself, and I did. See, no matter what your circumstances are, I firmly believe that YOU are the only one who can control your happiness. Other people can do things that aren't nice, and life can deal you some shitty cards, but it is YOUR responsibility to control how that affects you.

2015 was the year that I was done feeling sorry for myself and worrying about what other people think of me. It was the year of creating MY OWN happiness.

I make no apologies for my decisions in 2015. I quit my OTHER new job to do something a lot of people thought was crazy/stupid/sad. I don't care if I disappointed you because MY goals changed. I didn't give up. I didn't get lazy. I CHANGED. I am allowed to do that, and so are you. I am so fucking happy doing what I am doing. I have made great friends because of it. I have a better life because of it.

I bought a house in 2015. It's a townhome. It doesn't have a yard, but it has a big patio, and three bedrooms, and I don't need to mow a fucking lawn or prune my flowerbed once a week year round in the Florida sun. Sounds pretty sweet to me. Do I wish I had a yard and a garage? Yes, but we knew this was a good space, a good neighborhood, and where we wanted to be right now.

We adopted a furry child in 2015. We did it less than a month after moving in to our new house. Was that stupid? Maybe. But did it make us happy? Yes. All we have ever wanted in life is a dog. Nym has brought us so much happiness, and I hope we have brought her happiness. We have more responsibility, but it is completely worth it. Also, she eats things sometimes, so our house is much tidier than it has ever been! AND we need to exercise her, so therefore, we exercise ourselves! Sounds like a winning situation to me.

We made new friends in 2015. I made more of an effort to talk to new people and go out to lunch and dinner with friends. I saw four good friends get married this year, one who is a new Florida friend.

I got a pixie cut in 2015. I got a big tattoo on my arm in 2015. I need to wear sleeves to cover it up. It's permanent. It makes me feel like a complete person. I love it.

Did I document all of these things in photos? Probably a lot of them, but not every single day. You know why? Because I was LIVING MY LIFE AND LOVING IT. I didn't have time to document everything. Or, I had such a busy, fulfilling day that I was exhausted when I got home and wanted to take time to myself to read, write, listen to vinyls, dance around naked by myself, I don't know! Anything to make myself happy.

I hope 2015 was fulfilling for you. And if it wasn't, I hope you find it in you to create your own happiness this year. It is okay and normal to get upset and sad sometimes. But in general, I felt like I took life in stride. It was the first year that I stayed true to myself, and I am damn proud of myself for that.

Instead of making any resolutions to change this year, I am making a resolution to keep up more of the same. I hope I always continue to grow and change for the better, but no matter how much I change, I hope I at least keep THIS aspect of myself the same. I deserve it.