Thursday, December 3, 2015

Back to the Grind

Ugh, I never write anymore.

I am lazy.

Actually, no, I am not lazy. I am honestly just so busy that I forget to take time to myself to process my thoughts and feelings. Instead, when I have spare time, I prefer to lay on the floor and give Nym some pets, or watch Youtube videos, or... that's really it. I don't even read anymore, but I really should. How sad.

What has been going on? Let's see.

Halloween came and went. I meant to post pictures of my decorations, but I was unmotivated to do so, obviously. They looked good though, and the house smelled like a pumpkin wonderland. Our costumes ended up being pretty incredible. Kristin and Ben were Wendy Darling and Captain Hook, Chloe was Tinkerbell, Eric was Peter Pan's shadow (aka Dark Link if you ask him...), and I was Peter Pan of course. I figured if there was ever a time to be Pan, it was now, when I have a red pixie cut. I sewed the hats, which looked pretty good for my first time ever sewing anything in my life.

My parents came to visit last week for Thanksgiving. It was the first time they ever came to spend a holiday with me in Florida, and it was the best. We went to Kristin's and celebrated with her family. My mom was super pumped to finally get to see Kristin's mom again and watch Chloe run around like a maniac. I know it was different for them, but I think my parents enjoyed not having to host a holiday or worry about cooking a ton of food (although I did convince my mom to bake her pumpkin pie, which was delicious). I never take for granted the fact that I have friends who are like family down here.

Also, my dad's birthday was the day after Thanksgiving, and it ended up being the coolest day. Eric and I took them to Green Cay Nature Center, which is a wetlands preserve. We like to go there and see all the Florida creatures, and I thought it would be a good place to take my parents to show them the beauty of Florida and convince them to move here. Wait, who said that? Who is trying to manipulate them to move here? Not I.... Anyway, I am pleased to report that a GIANT GATOR swam straight at us and stopped right in front of us while stalking out some ducks. Like five feet away from us for real. Mom and Dad thought it was the coolest thing, AND IT WAS. It was the coolest nature-y thing I've seen in Florida.

Besides that, we ate a ton of good food and drank a lot, as usual. We saw all the Christmas lights around town, which were beautiful. Eric and I also put up our Christmas decorations while my parents sat there and laughed at our struggle to decorate the tree. Thanks, parents!

All in all, it was a great trip, and I cried a lot when they left. Eric took me to get Starbucks and see the Sandi Tree being built in downtown West Palm to cheer me up. Yes, there is a giant sand sculpture Christmas tree sitting smack in the middle of a field right at the end of Clematis Street. Right in front of the water. It is ridiculous. It looks like something out of a Dr. Seuss book. It made me laugh, but also made me sad, because this is not Christmas. By "this," I mean Sandi Trees and gators and 90-degree weather and lit-up palm trees. This doesn't feel festive at all. Eric and I are not coming home for Christmas again this year, and it is depressing. But as my dad reminded me, what "Christmas" is to us is coldness and gray skies and bare trees and gloom, because we were raised in it. It's not actually festive to experience that stuff. It's just nostalgic. It's actually pretty miserable. So we should start associating sunshine and warmth and palm trees and happiness with Christmas, because that's better than freezing your ass off anyway (sounds like he wants to move here, right?). TRUTH. Thanks, Dad!

When I haven't been traveling or hosting visitors, I have been working. The nannying gig is still working out great. In fact, it is so great that my work family wants me to stay until June now! I know some people still don't understand why I left a career I had planned for my entire life to do this, and maybe you never will. All I can say is: happiness. This was supposed to be a short-term, part-time gig that got me through a rough patch until I could find a counseling job that didn't make me so stressed my hair falls out. But in the process, I found something I LOVE doing.

Sure, I loved counseling people. But did I love all the paperwork? The unethical management? Hearing sad stories every day? No, I hated it. Am I just not strong enough to handle it? I guess you could look at it like that. But I don't view my sensitivity as a weakness. I think my sensitive nature is one of the best parts, if not the best part, about me. I never want to harden my heart. I don't want to have to make jokes about serious issues just to keep myself from breaking down. I don't want to come home every day and tell Eric my day was terrible and depressing. I know sometimes I did a lot of good and saved someone's life. Those were amazing moments in dark days. Now, even though I still have bad things happen, it is just bad moments in amazing days.

So, we will see what happens when June rolls around. This was never supposed to be a forever thing, and I am sure it will end at some point. But I am grateful that I have been able to do it for nine months and get to continue doing it for now, because I love those kids, and I feel like part of the family at this point. I am looking in to getting a doula certification, so we'll see where that takes me...

If you don't know what a doula is, look it up. Then, take a minute to process your shock that I, of all people, am interested in doing that. Then, come back and leave an "I told you so" comment, because let's be honest: you all knew I would eventually stop being terrified of babies. I still think newborns look like aliens though. Sorry...

No comments:

Post a Comment