Saturday, September 19, 2015

Major FOMO

For those of you not of the internet slang generation, FOMO is Feeling Of Missing Out. It is the worst acronym, I hate how it sounds, and I never use it... but I am using it now, because there is no better way to describe what I am feeling right now.

Here I sit, on a cloudy (yet surprisingly mild) Florida morning, on the floor with my dog and my laptop. The only humans I have interacted with in person in the past two days are my "work family," and two of them are less than five years old... one only communicates by laughing and crying. Normally, for an introvert such as myself, this would be a good thing, especially after ten days of non-stop SEEING people. I loved seeing everyone, but that is the most exhausting thing ever. I need time to myself to recharge my battery. But now, I am going stir-crazy without Eric, and I have serious FOMO thinking about what everyone is doing right now.

Eric is back in NJ (yes, three days after leaving... we need VIP passes at PBI, for real) for the wedding of our friends Meg and Carolyn. A little background: Eric and Meg met long before I knew Eric, and they lived together basically ever since, up until shortly before Eric and I moved to Florida. I went to high school with Carolyn, and we did chorus together. All of them worked together after high school. Then, I met Eric, and Meg and Carolyn were together, and we spent many happy times all basically living together in Eric and Meg's townhome with lots of alcohol, good cooking, Ketchup the beta fish, and Footfoot the snake. No matter how long goes by without talking or seeing each other, when we are all together, hilarious times ensue.

Today, Meg and Carolyn are finally tying the knot, but with so many weddings in September and October, Eric and I had to do some serious thinking about how we could make this work with all the flying around necessary. It's not like I can work remotely, and Eric doesn't have unlimited vacation days. Ultimately, we decided that we needed to split up for the weddings, with the exception of the one on our one-year anniversary, which we combined with our annual trip home. He is at Meg and Carolyn's today, and I will go to Becca's without him in a few weeks. I am missing the #biggaypumpkinspicedwedding :(

Missing out on big life events is by far the shittiest thing about living so far away. Weddings, holidays, birthdays, engagement parties, even bachelorette parties. I had to miss Nicole's last year, and I missed Becca's last weekend (which was in MIAMI, of all places) while I was home. It is the worst. Not only do I feel like the shittiest friend, but I sit there thinking about all the fun everyone is having and how I wish I could be there. And now that Eric with people, and I am not, I feel EXTRA shitty. I love Nym, don't get me wrong, but she sleeps a lot, and she has a healing paw at the moment (another story for another day... this dog is wreck). I can't even take her to the dog park or for long walks.

I normally love to be alone... but right now, instead of feeling alone, I just feel lonely.

So, I've been trying to keep myself busy. I worked until 11pm last night, and surprisingly, nothing could've made me happier than reading bedtime stories and cleaning up baby food prunes. I got all my fall decorations out (RAVENS EVERYWHERE!!!) to keep me happy when I'm home. I played with Nym and all her new toys, and now I'm cuddling with her lazy ass on the floor.

I also drank a lot of tea this morning, because caffeine is an upper, and drowning my sorrows in alcohol at 9:00am will be no good for anyone. Self-medicating at its smartest, yes?

So... sorry for that downer of a post. I know things can be way worse in life, obviously. I am still grateful for the warmth and palm trees and Floridian way of life. Nothing beats it. I am just not the type of person who pretends everything is fine when I don't feel like I am fine.

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