Sunday, May 31, 2015

Why Write?

I'm just gonna be honest: I have made zero effort to keep up with this blogging thing.

I keep saying I'm going to write more, but it was like my urge to write just fell off the face of the universe at the stroke of midnight on January 1st. 2015 rolled in, and my passion for writing just disappeared.

Part of the reason for that is because I honestly don't feel like I have anything worth writing about, or anything that NEEDS to be written. When I feel all the feels, I must write. But I haven't been feeling much of anything lately, good or bad.

It kind of feels like my life is a dream, floating by before my eyes, and I am just watching myself in it. It's not really happening to me.

Creepy, right?

I'm not completely detached from reality, so don't go psychoanalyzing me, psych nerds (although I'd be an interesting case study, I'm sure...). I just have had SO much going on that it's been difficult to process everything. When I quit my job, I felt an immense sense of relief, but I also felt very ashamed and unsure of myself. I didn't want to talk much about the experience. Then, buying a house took over our lives. Ever since we moved in April, my spare time has been spent sleeping (or TRYING to sleep), eating, and fixing up our place. We refinished a kitchen cart. We also bought a book shelf, patio furniture, and just put up some curtains. Never a dull moment around here.

Sounds like a great time to adopt a dog, right? No. But we did, because we are crazy and figure the past year and a half has been spent making spontaneous, gigantic decisions, so why not COMPLETELY flip our lives upside down and get a dog? Let's wake up even EARLIER every morning to walk the dog! Great idea, Lauren and Eric! So now, we have been getting used to living with Nymeria, aka Nym (sounds like Nim, for all you non-GoTers out there). 

It honestly was a great idea, despite the bad timing. She is the love of my life already, and she has made me feel so much better mentally. She's a GREAT dog, very smart and well-trained, but needs some refresher work. I actually think Eric and I are the ones who need the training, because Nym has had training before, and she's so smart that she's taking advantage of her stupid humans who have never been through dog training. We know this because our new neighbor is a dog trainer ;) How bout that! See, everything happens for a reason. The universe brings everything together like it's supposed to be. So in lots of our spare time, we have been hanging out with our super cool new neighbors and Nym and other dogs. We LOVE this neighborhood!

All that being said, I clearly have a lot going on, and while I feel like I have lost the passion for writing, that doesn't mean I should have stopped. That's how depression and anxiety sneak up on you. You lose interest in doing things you love, you feel overwhelmed, and all of a sudden, BOOM! You realize you are in a deep dark bottomless pit of feelings.

At least that's how it happens with me, sort of. I know better than to stop writing.

SO, as May ends and June begins, I am making a pledge to practice better self-care. I will be writing daily for the month of June, even if I need to force myself to write one single word.

TL;DR Force yourself to do things you know you love, even if you feel like you'd rather be a blob on a couch.


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