Sitting.

I've been too busy doing super cool things with my life to blog. I'll fill you in on it now. I've been...

SITTING!
- inside.
- outside.
- in the shade.
- in the sun.
- by the pool.
- on the beach.
- with a book.
- with a drink (or two or five).
- with friends.
- by myself.

Ahhhh, it has been nice.

But I have also been doing a lot of wedding stuff while sitting, like talking to vendors, doing research online, planning the last details.

Please don't take this the wrong way, but wedding planning is making me really anxious. Is that normal? I hope so. There is too much to think about. For my entire life, I have been planning my dream wedding in my head. Black tie, fancy, long train and veil in a church with lots of stained glass, literally everyone I know there. I think my first board on Pinterest was a wedding board (besides the food board. Nomnom...), and I wasn't anywhere near engaged at the time

Then, I ACTUALLY got engaged, and I realized I didn't want ANY of that. I had no clue what I really wanted. Church? Not for us. Black tie? Why the hell did I think I wanted a black tie wedding? When have I EVER liked that kind of fancy thing? And then I figured I wanted some backyard tent wedding, really hippie-dippie and rainbow and DIY. LET ME WEAR JEANS! But that's a little difficult when you're inviting 200+ people. It's also a little difficult when you are trying to avoid being exiled from your family for bucking tradition (Jordan almonds, anyone?).

I don't care what anyone says. A wedding is not just about the bride. I would never be happy if our families were offended or Eric hated everything about the wedding.

When we decided to move to Florida, everything became even more complicated. There can't really be any DIY stuff even if I wanted to do it, because it would be so annoying to ship things back to Jersey. Especially if I have delicate things. Sure, I can have people help me up there, and I would be very grateful for that, but that kind of takes the fun out of it for me, doesn't it?

I wanted to actually do stuff for my wedding. Instead, all I can do is talk on the phone and email. Every single time I go home to visit, I am almost completely booked with wedding stuff. Dress fittings, salon appointments, vendor meetings. I barely get to see my friends and family when I'm in Jersey.

I am getting really, really excited for the day, and of course to actually be married to Eric. But I am also just anxious. I don't like being in the spotlight. I don't want my appearance and actions to be analyzed and judged (I swear I don't think you are all mean people. This is just how my messed up brain works, no matter how hard I tell it to shut up). I am terrified to trip. I want to look good for Eric. I want to make my family proud. I am really worried about getting a lot of things done so the day is perfect for everyone.

Bottom line: I just want people to be happy and have a good time. It is really hard to please everyone in this process and still stay true to ourselves, but Eric and I are trying to make that happen. The most important part of this whole thing (besides bacon-wrapped scallops) is our family and friends partying hard and celebrating with us. Everybody has been so supportive and helpful for the past year. The least we can do to repay them is give them a good time.

SO. That is what I have been struggling with this summer. Besides that, I just sit :)